It sounds like a strange question or at least it was to me when asked by a dear friend. "Have you mourned your what if's?" I had to really step back and evaluate the question before I could even begin to wrap my fibro-fogged brain around it. So I started a timeline starting from the beginning of my first symptoms to my current semi-productive state. It has been eight years now since my first twinge of pain that lead to a landslide of bad health to follow and overcome including chronic pain, insomnia, depression, anxiety, Fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. Almost sounds like a preface to a medical report that ends with no real solution, only band-aides followed by questions and foot notes. But there it was in all its ugly and frustrated truths.
Back in 2004 I was an ambitious corporate climber with the nations largest printing company, The Hearst Corporation. Not only was I climbing at a deserving but explosive rate, I had found my professional niche. I was becoming the youngest executive in a Fortune 500 company not to mention I was a woman in what still is a male dominated field. I found myself at the age of 28 holding the world in my hands without boundaries and loved every second of it, little did I know it was the beginning of the end. After months of pain, being ill and misdiagnosed I was hospitalized with a pulmonary embolism. In one full swoop not only was I knocked off my feet but my career took a massive hit and never truly recovered. I was told by the specialists that I should have never survived the severity of blood flooding my lungs and would be lucky to ever fully recover let alone leave the hospital.The collision of emotion hit me like a ton of bricks. I had two small daughters ages 3 & 4 at the time who I couldn't imagine not having their mother to raise them and the sympathies from work that would only last for so long before it effected the bottom line making me replaceable. The two most important things in my life were in jeopardy and totally out of my control but my type A personality ignored the expected and got up, brushed myself off and jumped back in as soon as I was able, or should I say pass for able.
Over the years I fought off bacterial pneumonia eight times followed by the rash of symptoms that brought me to Fibromyalgia. We all have a back story of the person we were before Fibro took hold and changed our lives forever. I finally made the decision in 2010 that I could no longer do my job the way I was intended to and had become a sideline mom for my girls. The powerhouse executive and practicing soccer mom was a shadow that I have drug behind me ever since. So, the question "Have you mourned your what ifs?" makes perfect sense to me now. I had been holding the what ifs against myself for years, what if I hadn't gotten fibro? Where would my career of taken me? What if I hadn't been in so much pain to play with my girls the way I was intended to, did I miss some pivotal moment that will now never show itself?
I will never know the answers to any of my what if's, but what I do know it's important to recognize what those things are, accept them, mourn them and find a way to forgive yourself for something that was never in your control tp begin with. I am still a work in progress finding new avenues of creation that allow me to feel productive and positive. There will always be the days where it takes every ounce of my being to get out of bed, but I do and even if nothing is accomplished the one thing you can say, is 'I am strong and this is only one day, bring it on tomorrow!" Allowing yourself to forgive, let go of any guilt and mourn the loss of your "What If's" is the first step to reclaiming the new you. The Fibro-fighting bad ass that has no regrets and nothing but a blank canvas to create in front of you. Today is that day, today you become "what if" free!
1. Myth: Fibromyalgia is a form of arthritis.
Fact: Fibromyalgia is a neurological disease.
Although it was once thought that fibromyalgia might be a form of arthritis, research over the past 10+ years has proven that to be false. Arthritis is defined as an inflammation of the joints, but there is no inflammation with FM, nor is there any damage to the joints. A fibromyalgia patient may have a type of arthritis (like osteoarthritis or rheumatoid arthritis) in addition to FM, but it is a completely separate disorder. On the fibromyalgia research front,new brain-imaging techniques and scientific studies are revealing that fibromyalgia is better defined as a central nervous system disorder that results in abnormal pain processing.
2. Myth: Fibromyalgia affects the muscles, joints and connective tissue.
Fact: There is no damage to the muscles, joints or connective tissue of people with fibromyalgia.
For many years fibromyalgia was described as a musculoskeletal disorder because much of the pain people experience with fibromyalgia feels like it is coming from the muscles, joints and connective tissues. However, years of testing failed to reveal any actual damage to the musculoskeletal system. What research has discovered is that a malfunction in the central nervous system of FM patients causes disordered sensory processing which leads to pain amplification. In other words, a stimulus that would not even be noticed by most people can be extremely painful to someone with fibromyalgia.
3. Myth: Fibromyalgia is an autoimmune diseases.
Fact: Fibromyalgia is NOT an autoimmune disease.
Autoimmune disease is the result of a body’s overactive immune response. In a sense, the body’s immune system begins to attack its own cells and tissues. There is no evidence that fibromyalgia is an autoimmune disease. In fact, years of research have not turned up any virus, bacteria or immune disorder. It’s not unusual, however, for someone with FM to also have one or more autoimmune diseases, such as: celiac disease,Crohn’s disease, lupus, multiple sclerosis, rheumatoid arthritis, Sjögren's syndrome, or some types of thyroid disease. Other illnesses that are suspected to have an autoimmune link and may occur with fibromyalgia include: chronic fatigue syndrome, endometriosis, interstitial cystitis, and Lyme disease.
4. Myth: Fibromyalgia is a middle-aged woman’s disease
Fact: Fibromyalgia affects men, women and children.
To date, a larger percentage of adult women have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia than men or children, however, it does affect all ages and both sexes. In fact, it may turn out that more men and children have FM than previously thought. Doctors are finding that men may have fewer than the traditional 11 tender points, yet still meet all the other criteria for fibromyalgia. Thus, there may be considerably more men with FM than previously thought. And what was once thought to be “growing pains” in children may actually turn out to be a form of fibromyalgia. But because most pediatricians are not very familiar with FM, they are unlikely to diagnose it. Although fibromyalgia will likely continue to be diagnosed more often in women, we may eventually discover it affects significantly more men and children than once thought.
5. Myth: Fibromyalgia is a psychological problem.
Fact: Fibromyalgia is a physical disorder with real, measurable biological abnormalities.
This myth probably causes the most frustration to fibromyalgia patients. After years of being told “It’s all in your head,” patients finally have proof that fibromyalgia is a very real, physical illness. Research studies have revealed a number of biological abnormalities, including:
· Decreased blood flow to specific areas of the brain, particularly the thalamus region, which may help explain the pain sensitivity and cognitive functioning problems experienced by fibromyalgia patients.
· High levels of “substance P,” a central nervous system neurotransmitter involved in pain processing.
· Low levels of nerve growth factor.
· Low levels of somatomedin C, a hormone that promotes bone and muscle growth.
· Low levels of several neurochemicals: serotonin, norepinephrine, dopamine and cortisol.
· Low levels of phosphocreatine and adenosine, muscle-cell chemicals
Despite the scientific evidence, some medical professionals continue to dismiss fibromyalgia as a psychological problem, insisting that the symptoms are caused by depression. The fact is that the percentage of FM patients who suffer from depression is no higher than for any other chronic illness. Unfortunately, since it takes an average of 17 years for new research to become part of mainstream medicine, we’re probably going to be fighting this myth for several more years.
Reprinted with permission of ProHealth, Inc. from “FM Research and Treatment News,” 5/30/07.[1]Source(healthcarecentral)